cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet

you!

pause. I think I lost in words

you! again.

one annoyingly happy creature

smile through analyzing eyes

you!

rewind. I remember you,yes I do

a man with bright sky written on his face

you! again.

who always talk in silence language

every time our eyes meet

you!

play. We were vomiting words,finally

a broken silence, a five seconds of sunny smile

in cloudy November

you! again.

captured few of my heart euphoria

which,I denied

I!

pause. a 20% normal,a 80% prestige

a bitter heart, abandoned affection

captured you in her bitter smile

which,her denied

I!

rewind. broken in uncountable times

a fearless dreamer who fear her own heart

not the failure,she fears

tiresome, of looping heart affection

I!

play. remember you in her everyday prayers

she talks in silence language

her prestige thinks faster than sound

her hope is not to hope

she sits,waiting. you

she's in denial but in hope

she's apologizing

in pink February

she's watching. you,in colorful forms

she's patiently waiting your smile

you and sunny smile,her ultimate favorite

she,looking at past times and misses

every single thing you ever did that bothered her

the annoyingly happy of silence spoken words

every time their eyes meet

yet,she wears her hidden sweetest smile

and humming

"Kamu. Aku tak akan mengejarmu. Setiap sudut semesta memantulkanmu. Kembali." :)

 

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia 13.02.11 20:16, tunes: Nothing Like You and I by The Perishers

I want to find a boy I can travel the world with and loving my super annoying eat habit..

"If I'm no one for you, If I'm nobody to you, If I'm nothing to you...please tell me, WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME??"

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

DAMN RIGHT !!

So I hope you see me walking down the street, looking gorgeous. 

I’ll dress up, I’ll put on my hottest jeans, my best shirt, 

and I’ll do my hair and makeup just right. 

I hope you see me walking down the street holding onto his hand. 

I’ll even walk right by your house and smile right before he kisses me. 

Why you ask? 

Because once, just once...

I want you to see what you’re missing :)

Let me Let YOU go

Here’s what I’m going to do:

I’m going to stop dwelling. 

I’m going to stop watching the phone. 

I’m going to stop looking for you. 

I’m going to move on. 

I’m going to meet people. 

I’m going to live. 

I’m going to forget all the nights I spent wishing you were here. 

I’m going to forget the times that it was just us. 

I’m going to forget the things that shouldn’t have happened. 

I’m going to forget all the times I opened myself up to let you in, to only get hurt in return.
I’m going to forget how I felt about you. 

Instead, I’m going to subconsciously wait. 

If you really want me, if you miss me, if you can’t breathe without me, you’ll know. 

You’ll ring. You’ll text. You’ll visit. 

And if you drift, if you don’t call, if there’s no texts, if there’s no visits, I’ll know. 

I’ll know it was never meant to be. 
And I will continue moving on. And I’m going to walk tall.

But in between everything I will forget, 
I won’t forget the lesson I’ve learned. 

I won’t forget the feeling of loving someone. 

I won’t forget the feeling of thinking I’m loved. 

And I will certainly not forget 
the hell I was put through to learn all this, 

to become a better person..

idareyoutoclickthis

#iramahari

These are collections of my favorites #iramahari that I got from twitter, some of those from my friend Raditya Dika, Salman Aristo and some of those are actually mine. Unfortunately, they're in Bahasa not in English.. Check this out:

Dari damai yang diberikan ketika kepala bertemu sajadah

Dari detakan jam di kamar seseorang yang sudah terlalu lama menunggu kepastian

Dari bunyi dua bibir bertemu dibalik sebuah pengkhianatan

Dari hisapan rokok yang menghitamkan sisa umur

Dari hembusan nafas kesabaran yang beranakkan keikhlasan diri

Dari sebuah simpul nasib yang menanti ujung takdir

Dari kecupan hangat disambut pelukan erat tanpa batas

Dari tumpukan rasa sabar yang membangun ketegaran

Dari keceriaan seorang bocah kecil yang mengubah dunia kelabu menjadi merah jambu

Dari kecaman batin yang mengutuk rangkaian pengkhianatan

Dari umpatan hati seorang pemuda yang ingin dicintai dengan caranya hanya berbalas keresahan

Dari haru tangis bahagia sahabat meliputi janji sehidup semati

Dari ketikan rasa hati muncul pengharapan dan rasa sayang

Dari pelaminan megah tercium kesucian melati dan dentingan gamelan

Dari perbedaan kontradiktif mencetuskan kebersamaan tak habis waktu

"If everything that I did was wrong,you taught me to be right. When I saw you doing wrong,I tried to remind you to be right and I'm still wrong."

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

"Karma is a roller coaster. You can be whether up or down in seconds."

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

"You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

And you over think
Always speak cryptically

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white

You don't really want to stay, no

But you don't really want to go..."

*Katy Perry

"Peluk aku sesaat, kecup hitungan detik..enggan tinggalkan hatimu disini, bawa pergi jika aku tidak berada disana... di hati"

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

"You and your flirtatious have succeed broken my heart into pieces,over and over again..I don't have anything left, thanks to you"

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

Nobody for Somebody

I'm still here for I don't know how long

Standing still behind the shadow

I don't know how long can I survive

Survive from uncertainty

It's not you that I hate

It is the uncertainty

There's no YES

But there's no NO either

I'm learning

Learning to be more patience

Learning to smile with tears inside

Not because of you

Because of those unspoken words

I redeem my ego

Calming my thoughts

Wishing tomorrow will be better

Not waiting for nothing

I know I am nobody for you

Though I'm still here

Not because I'm stupid

It's simply because those 3 words

8 letters

Simply because of you..

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

I believe

I Believe… That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I Believe… That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe… That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe… That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe… That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe… That heroes are the people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe… That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe… That it isn’t always enough, to be forgiven by others; sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe… That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for whom we become.

I Believe… That you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

Tears run dry

It's a quite long journey that we have

Many riddles and much happiness

Yet we're still standing at uncertain edge

But I never get tired of you

I have never asked for more

I understand

I'm waiting

I smiled

I cried

I planned to stop

Stop waiting for us

But I can't help it

I care about you that much

Beyond my expectations

and Now we're here

Standing in silence

Because of my lack morality

Speechless

I know it was my fault

Shame

Just to put out my ego

and apologize

Tears running dry

I miss you that much

I care bout you that much

I love you like I should love

Instead of telling that to you

I let my tears running down

I'm sorry...

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

daughter to father

envious..
to see that another daughter could held her father's hand
envious..
to hear another daughter could yelled out her daddy
envious..
to see that another daughter could kiss and depend on her father

I am alone since i was 2
my mom is my best companion
i don't even remember his face
nothing...

curiousity..
tell me the truth,did you ever love me??
why'd u have to go?
did i ever hurt you?
do all men are irresponsible like you?
i don't know you and i never want to..

tell me the truth,did you ever love me??
cause these are..
confessions of a broken heart!!!!

but if you can see me here..
standing alone with courage
never drop any single tear for you
you should proud of me
because i'll be the best daughter that you'll never had..

tell me,did you ever love me??

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia

this feeling

Love.....

it hurts.
it makes u cry often.

but sometimes......
it makes u smile.

so why do we choose sometimes instead often?
that in the end..we'll cry more than smiling..

that's what i feel right now.

i choose to cry..
Maybe because I'm too coward for leaving the comfort zone

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia 

This is how life goes on

when you think you know someone very well,
when you think he'll always gonna love you forever,
when you think he'll never say rude words to you,
when you think he's gonna be your true love,

But the truth is..
he caught between 'yes' and 'no',
he want freedom so badly so he threw you out of his life,
but on the other side, he knows that he still wants you,
he thinks no worry because he thought you're gonna stalking him forever,
so he put you in and out his heart, like a yoyo.

But what he doesn't know is..
you already give up on him,
you tired of this forever waiting,
you want to love again,
love someone who loves you more than he loves you,
you want to use this chance to find happiness,
and you realize that you're happier than ever.

But what does she get for telling him the truth..
A rude answer,
A forbidden words that a man can say to a woman,
suddenly you feel that "you're not belong to me anymore,coz you're immature",
"i can't live with someone who doesn't respect me as a woman",
you're not guilty at all,
because you're a free woman, free as a bird.

let us be what we have to be,
grow up and learn to letting go,
don't let hatred and revenge drown us apart.

you forgive him for all those words he said to you,
because you're grown up and already learned to letting go,
you think it's time to say goodbye to his intimate love,
but not goodbye to him,
because you know that he's gonna love you with different love.

so baby,try not to waste what's in front of you,
not to waste love that has been given to you,
because you'll end up having nothing but an empty hand.

and baby, this is how life goes on..


(for Chalie Rahadian,thank you for the 1st broken heart)

xx, Ayu Putrinda Kurnia